Ever told your child it’s time to leave the playground, only to trigger a complete meltdown? Or sprung a haircut on them during errands and watched their world crumble?

You’re not alone. As moms of highly sensitive children, we’re often caught in the crossfire between everyday life and our child’s intense reactions to change. But what if there was a simple technique that could dramatically reduce these meltdowns?

The Game-Changing Strategy Every Mom of a Highly Sensitive Child Needs

Key Takeaways from the Video

1. Your Child’s Reactions Are About Neurology, Not Behavior

• Highly sensitive children have nervous systems that are wired to detect every subtle change
• What looks like an “overreaction” is actually their brain’s natural response to unexpected transitions
• Their meltdowns aren’t willful defiance—they’re a signal that their system is overwhelmed

2. Preparation is a Powerful Tool, Not Coddling

• Providing advance notice works with your child’s neurological needs rather than against them
• This approach builds trust and security rather than enabling difficult behavior
• The Heads-Up Habit is about respect for how your child’s brain processes information

3. Different Events Need Different Preparation Times

• Small daily transitions (like leaving the playground) just need short countdowns: 30 min → 10 min → 5 min → 2 min
• Weekly activities (like soccer practice) work best with a Sunday preview plus day-before and day-of reminders
• Doctor appointments require multiple days’ notice with consistent reminders throughout the week
• Major events (like trips or parties) need extended preparation time with specific details about what will happen

4. Consistency Builds Resilience Over Time

• Each time you honor your child’s need for preparation, you’re building trust
• This practice gradually helps them develop better coping skills for unexpected changes
• The strategy works even better the longer you implement it

5. Offering Choices Enhances Effectiveness

• Giving two viable options redirects focus from what’s ending to what’s coming next
• This simple addition provides autonomy while still working within your necessary plans
• Choices must be genuinely appealing to be effective

Practical Implementation Steps

For Beginners: Your First Week with the Heads-Up Habit

Day 1-2: Observe & Plan

1. Notice transition triggers: Spend 1-2 days observing which transitions or changes cause the most stress for your child
2. Create a simple reminder system: Set phone alarms for transition times to remind yourself to give warnings
3. Prepare phrases: Write down a few key phrases that you’ll use consistently (e.g., “In 10 minutes, we’ll need to…”)

Day 3-5: Start with Small Transitions

1. Begin with daily routines: Practice the countdown method for leaving home, ending playtime, or bedtime
2. Use concrete time references: “After this show ends” or “When I count to 20” rather than vague timeframes
3. Keep it positive: Use a warm, informative tone rather than a warning tone

Day 6-7: Add the Choice Element

1. Identify motivating choices: Make a quick list of things your child enjoys that could be offered as choices
2. Practice transitions with choices: “In 5 minutes we’re leaving. Would you like to wear your red coat or blue jacket?”
3. Notice improvements: Begin tracking which approaches work best for your specific child

For Weekly Planning

1. Sunday night preview: Set aside 5 minutes every Sunday to go through the week’s schedule with your child
2. Visual schedule option: For younger children, create a simple picture schedule showing the week’s activities
3. Daily morning reminder: Make it part of your breakfast routine to mention any special activities for that day
4. Bedtime prep: During the bedtime routine, gently remind them about tomorrow’s plans

For Special Events and Appointments

1. First mention: Give initial information 5-7 days before major events (or as soon as you know about them)
2. 3-day reminder: Three days before, give more specific details about what to expect
3. Night-before preparation: The evening before, walk through the entire event, addressing any concerns
4. Morning of: Give a final, positive reminder with any needed reassurance

FAQs Addressing Common Concerns

“Isn’t this just giving in to my child’s demands?”

Answer: Not at all. The Heads-Up Habit isn’t about changing your plans or letting your child control the schedule—it’s about providing information in a way that works with their neurological needs. You’re still setting the boundaries and making the decisions; you’re just communicating them in a way that helps your child process and adapt. Think of it as adapting your communication style to match their processing style, just as you might speak more slowly to someone learning English.

“What if I absolutely have to make a last-minute change?”

Answer: Unexpected changes will happen—that’s life! When they do:

1. Acknowledge the change directly: “I know this wasn’t what we planned”
2. Validate their feelings: “It makes sense that you feel upset about this surprise”
3. Give them processing time: “Let’s take a minute to adjust to this change”
4. Offer what control you can: “Would you like to take three deep breaths or count to 10 while we think about this?”

Sometimes you might still need to abandon plans and regroup, especially during the early stages of implementing this approach. With consistency, these moments typically become less intense over time.

“How do I handle this in public without feeling judged?”

Answer: It can feel uncomfortable when others don’t understand your approach, but remember that you’re the expert on your child. Consider these strategies:

• Have a simple explanation ready: “My child processes transitions better with advance notice”
• Use a timer on your phone so the “time to go” signal comes from the device, not you
• Prepare a small sensory toolkit for public outings to help during difficult moments
• Remember that meeting your child’s needs matters more than stranger’s opinions

“My child still has meltdowns even with warnings. Is this approach failing?”

Answer: The Heads-Up Habit isn’t a perfect solution that eliminates all meltdowns—it’s a tool that reduces their frequency and intensity over time. If you’re still seeing significant struggles:

• Consider if the warnings are detailed enough for your child’s needs
• Evaluate if you’re giving enough lead time based on your child’s processing needs
• Look for additional sensory factors that might be contributing to the overwhelm
• Remember that progress often looks like shorter meltdowns or faster recovery, not elimination

“Do I need to do this forever? Will my child outgrow the need for preparation?”

Answer: Many highly sensitive children do develop better coping skills as they mature, but their fundamental neurological wiring remains. What typically happens is:

• They learn to prepare themselves as they get older
• They develop more internal resources for handling unexpected changes
• The need for extensive preparation may decrease but doesn’t completely disappear
• Many highly sensitive adults still prefer to know plans in advance

The good news is that by using this approach consistently, you’re teaching valuable self-regulation skills that will serve them throughout life.

“Won’t this make my child inflexible in the long run?”

Answer: Actually, the opposite is true. When children feel secure in knowing what to expect most of the time, they develop more resilience for handling the unexpected. By honoring their need for preparation:

• You’re building a foundation of trust that makes them more adaptable
• They learn that changes are manageable with support
• They develop confidence in their ability to handle transitions
• They internalize healthy coping strategies that increase flexibility over time

“What if other caregivers won’t follow this approach?”

Answer: This is a common challenge. Try these strategies:

• Share specific examples of how the approach has helped your child
• Provide a simple written guide with key phrases for other caregivers
• Frame it as making their job easier: “This really helps prevent meltdowns”
• Start with asking them to try it for just one type of transition
• Show them this video to help them understand the neurological basis

Remember that consistency across caregivers is helpful but not essential—your child will still benefit from your consistent use of the Heads-Up Habit even if others don’t always follow it.