Ever felt like you are watching from above as your child melts down and every word coming out of your mouth is just making it worse? Or, maybe you said something to your child off handedly and immediately regretting it after seeing the look on their face. There’s tons of information out there for things you should say to your child, but do you ever wonder what about what not to say to a highly sensitive child?
Today, we’re diving straight into what we shouldn’t say to our sensitive kids. You’ll understand their emotional world better and get clear on phrases that can sting harder than intended.
We’ll also arm you with positive phrases you can use to that build trust. By embracing their feelings rather than dismissing them, you help your child grow emotional intelligence. And, from personal experience, learning what not to say to a highly sensitive child might be the most important lesson you can learn to support your child.
So let’s cut the guesswork out of communication and create an environment where sensitivity isn’t seen as a hurdle, but as something special to be nurtured. And once we understand what not to say to a highly sensitive child, your day-to-day conversations will become so much easier.
Highly sensitive children are often misunderstood. Their Sensory Processing Sensitivity (SPS) and heightened emotional responses and can lead them to be easily overwhelmed by their surroundings. This is due to their increased sensitivity to sensory input. This isn’t a flaw, something that needs fixing, or something highly sensitive children outgrow; it is simply part of who they are.
Words carry weight, especially when spoken to highly sensitive children. They absorb emotions and words around them like a sponge.
Avoid saying “Stop being so sensitive.” This phrase dismisses their feelings outright. It’s like telling someone who is reading in dim light to just see better – it doesn’t address the need for more light or understand the struggle.
“You’re okay; it’s not a big deal” might seem comforting, but it can minimize what feels monumental to them. Imagine dropping your phone and cracking you screen: you might shrug it off, but another person could feel devastated by the same event.
“Why can’t you be more like your brother/sister?” pits siblings against each other and implies there’s something wrong with sensitivity. That’s akin to comparing apples and oranges – both have value in their unique ways.
The way we speak can impact our little ones’ self-esteem profoundly, as though every word was a brushstroke on their inner canvas of self-worth. Instead of saying “Don’t cry,” which suggests that showing emotion is bad, try validating their experience by acknowledging that something must be really upsetting for them to feel this way.
Phrases like “You always…” or “You never…” sets an absolute narrative about behavior that isn’t fair nor true since everyone has off days – think of these statements as unfair life sentences based on momentary actions.
Rather than uttering phrases like “Be strong” which equate vulnerability with weakness, encourage resilience while accepting emotions as normal human responses. Remember those times when support meant more than advice? That’s what our sensitive children need from us too.
Words can be heavy, so don’t tell a sensitive child to “stop being so sensitive” or compare them to other child unfairly. Acknowledge their feelings instead of minimizing them and encourage resilience without dismissing emotions.
When talking with a highly sensitive child, swapping out harsh words for encouraging language can make all the difference. For instance, instead of saying “Stop crying,” try acknowledging their feelings with something like “I see this is really tough for you.”
Rather than dismissing their emotions with phrases like “You’re overreacting,” validate them by saying, “It’s okay to feel upset. Want to talk about it?” This shift in dialogue shows empathy and opens up lines of communication.
And when we might slip and say, “Don’t be upset,” consider offering comfort through your presence: “I’m here with you.” It’s these small tweaks in our language that let kids know they’re heard and supported.
Crafting a Supportive Response Strategy
Create an atmosphere where feelings are met without judgment but rather curiosity and support. Ask questions that guide reflection: “What do think made you feel this way?” By doing so, we teach kids not only how to identify triggers but also potential solutions on their own terms—and isn’t that one step closer towards resilience?
Bearing witness to a child’s emotional process doesn’t mean fixing every problem; sometimes it means just sitting together quietly until they find the words themselves. When reactions are high-pitched or tears flow freely remember—it’s not always immediate answers they seek but rather, reassurance. It is important for them to know that no matter what comes up emotionally; someone stands steadfastly beside them.
Swap harsh words for encouraging ones to support a highly sensitive child. Say “I see this is tough for you” instead of “Stop being so sensitive.” Use active listening and ‘I feel’ statements to build trust and help them articulate feelings without fear.
Create a safe space where kids can reflect on their emotions with curiosity, not judgment. Teach them resilience by guiding, not fixing—showing steadfast support as they navigate their emotional world.
Picture this: your child comes to you, tears brimming in their eyes over a broken toy. Now, consider the power of saying “I see that really upset you” versus “It’s just a toy.” One acknowledges the storm of feelings they’re experiencing; the other dismisses it.
Highly sensitive children feel things deeply, and validating those emotions is key.
Validation doesn’t mean you agree with every feeling or behavior, but signals respect for their emotional experience. This approach builds trust, paves the way for open communication, and teaches them that all feelings are acceptable—even if all behaviors aren’t.
A validated child learns how to identify emotions accurately—a crucial step in developing emotional intelligence. It helps them understand themselves better and equips them with skills to navigate complex social environments as they grow. By recognizing their inner world without judgment, we help our kids learn to manage their rich tapestry of emotions effectively.
Sometimes, teaching highly sensitive kids how to talk about their feelings is like trying to solve a puzzle without the picture on the box. It’s tough, but when you see them express themselves clearly for the first time—it’s worth it.
Using “I feel” statements is one trick that can turn things around. For instance, instead of your child saying “You never listen,” they learn to say “I feel unheard when I’m talking and others don’t seem interested.” This tiny shift helps them own their emotions and communicate more effectively.
Telling your kid directly about using “I feel” statements might get you an eye-roll or two at first. But stick with it. Start by modeling these phrases yourself during daily conversations. Say something like “I feel proud when I see you helping out.” Over time, they’ll catch on and start mirroring this language back.
A little encouragement goes a long way here as well; praise them whenever they manage even a simple expression of feeling. It shows progress—and hey, every bit counts.
Active listening plays a big part in teaching children to discuss their feelings. When we really listen—like stop-everything-and-focus-on-their-words kind of listen—we show our kids that what they have to say matters. That alone can make them more willing to open up next time around.
To teach active listening skills, show empathy through body language and verbal feedback. Nodding along or offering comments such as “That sounds challenging,” rather than jumping straight into problem-solving mode is a great start.
In practice? Try setting aside regular times each week where your child knows they have your undivided attention—maybe right after dinner or before bedtime stories—to chat about anything on their mind, no distractions allowed.
Teach kids to share their feelings with “I feel” statements and show you’re all ears. Show your child how it’s done by using “I feel” phrases yourself, and cheer on even the smallest step in sharing emotions—it boosts confidence.
Picking the right moment to talk about feelings with a highly sensitive child can be like finding that sweet spot when baking cookies—timing is everything. It’s crucial to wait until your little one has simmered down from any emotional high tide. This approach gives their young minds the chance to process emotions and become more open to understanding.
Sensitive children often need a quiet period after an intense episode. Once they’re calm, they can better articulate thoughts and listen without feeling overwhelmed or defensive.
The setting matters too; create a cozy environment where your child feels safe—a nook as comforting as a warm blanket on a chilly day can make all the difference. Then, initiate the conversation with phrases that validate their experience: “I see you had some big emotions earlier,” rather than diving straight into problem-solving mode which might put them back on edge.
Raising a highly sensitive child is like nurturing a rare plant. It thrives under specific conditions, and you’re the gardener who can make that happen. Let’s talk about setting up your home to be that greenhouse where sensitivity isn’t just understood; it’s celebrated.
Consistency is key for children who feel deeply. A predictable schedule isn’t boring—it’s reassuring. Think of routines as the trellis supporting their growth: stable, reliable, and providing direction.
So dinner at 6 pm isn’t just about not being hangry; it gives them something solid in their day-to-day lives when emotions can sometimes feel all over the place.
We all need downtime—sensitive persons even more so. Carve out corners of calmness in your home where they can decompress without sensory overload—a cushion with some books or headphones ready with soothing music can create an oasis of peace.
This quiet space acts as a sanctuary from the stormy seas of sensation that often overwhelm sensitive children because let’s face it, sometimes life gets loud and everyone needs somewhere to mute those volumes temporarily.
The way we respond to our kid’s feelings sets the tone for how they manage emotions throughout life.
When you consistently acknowledge their experiences without judgment—whether they’re elated or upset—you’re telling them every feeling has value.
You don’t have to fix everything—that’s not always possible—but you do need to be there as a steady presence, reminding them through actions (and maybe fewer words) that no matter what happens outside, inside this family unit, they’re safe and supported.
Think of your home as a greenhouse for your sensitive child, where routines are trellises and quiet spaces are peaceful sanctuaries. Your steady emotional support helps them navigate their feelings with confidence.
Focus on gentle guidance. Talk through the behavior, explore feelings, and discuss consequences. Stay calm to keep things constructive.
Speak softly and listen actively. Validate their emotions and offer reassurance. Clarity helps; be direct but kind in your approach.
Sensitivity is often innate. Many retain this personality trait into adulthood, learning to manage their deep feelings over time instead.
Sensitive children might seek more comfort or assurance from parents, which can appear as clinginess during stressful situations.
Remember what not to say to a highly sensitive child? Good. Words can wound or heal – the choice is yours.
Talk appropriately, listen well, and validate often. That’s how you’ll support their emotional journey.
Choose kindness over criticism; empathy over dismissal. These swaps forge trust and understanding.
Avoiding harsh words isn’t coddling; it’s caring smartly for a tender heart that feels deeply.
Nurturing sensitivity reaps benefits beyond childhood – think emotional intelligence, resilience, and compassion.
If your goal is raising kids who thrive in their own skin, start with these insights and build from there.
What Not to Say to a Highly Sensitive Child?
Jill Gilbert
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