Sleep sensitivity in highly sensitive children is a real phenomenon that can cause a lot of stress for parents. Imagine this. It’s 3:00 AM, and you’re rocking your highly sensitive child, trying desperately to get them back to sleep. Nothing seems to be working. What’s going on?
Although “sleep sensitivity” isn’t an official diagnosis, it describes children who find it much more difficult to wind down and fall asleep.
Sleep is a big deal for everyone – we need adequate sleep for our bodies to heal and our minds to process emotions. Yet, sleep deprivation can also make emotional and behavioral challenges even worse. This is especially true for sensitive kiddos. They’re already dealing with a higher level of stimuli. Sleep deprivation makes those challenges much harder to cope with, leading to a vicious circle of overstimulation and sleeplessness.
Sleep sensitivity in highly sensitive children often boils down to a hyper-aroused nervous system. This system, the very one responsible for our “fight or flight” response, stays activated longer in highly sensitive kids. It takes them longer to settle down and let go of the day’s stimulation.
Now, combine this sensitivity with our modern world that is constantly “on,” and you have a recipe for bedtime battles. This might look like your child having trouble falling asleep or staying asleep.
Sleep sensitivity in highly sensitive children can look very different from child to child, just like a highly sensitive child presents in their own special way. There’s no single checkbox list, but there are some tell-tale signs to watch for:
For instance, your highly sensitive child might wake up several times each night. Maybe your kid struggles to settle down at bedtime because they’re replaying a conflict they had with a friend at school. Perhaps the noise of a dripping faucet or the feeling of the sheets is enough to keep them up for hours. These seem like minor things to us, but they’re a big deal to a child who’s super sensitive.
Knowing about sleep sensitivity and how it relates to your highly sensitive child helps you in many ways. First, it offers much-needed validation. If you understand that your child isn’t being “difficult” on purpose, it reduces the chance of reacting with frustration, which just worsens the situation. Remember, their struggles are very real.
And, if their heightened sensitivity to sound, touch, light, or even emotions make it harder to fall and stay asleep, you can focus on making their environment more soothing and supportive. This isn’t about giving in to every whim but about creating a predictable bedtime routine, a bedtime routine free of distractions, and helping them to work through any worries or fears before bed. Sleep sensitivity in highly sensitive children needs special strategies, but these changes can make a world of difference. It can help your tired HSC get a good night’s sleep.
Now, you might have heard of the Orchid-Dandelion metaphor, often used to describe highly sensitive kids. This theory says that certain individuals, the “orchids,” are highly sensitive to their environments – they need the perfect conditions to thrive. They wilt under stress and are extra susceptible to negative environments. “Dandelions”, on the other hand, can tough it out pretty much anywhere.
However, about 40% of people fall somewhere in between, often called “tulips”. They’re sensitive but not as delicate as the orchids. But the idea is simple: “orchids,” and perhaps to a lesser degree, “tulips,” need extra support. A study published about sensitive children shows that they’re more prone to the impacts of both negative and positive experiences. That heightened sensitivity makes sleep even more crucial – it’s when they can process everything that’s been going on. For highly sensitive children, it’s vital for their well-being.
Sleep is when those delicate petals get a chance to heal or when their roots get to settle before facing a new day. As you delve deeper into understanding how sleep sensitivity plays out for your little one, you can use those “orchid” insights to tailor your approach and adjust your expectations. You’ll understand why they may not sleep anyplace like other children, and you can start adjusting your expectations for your child’s bedtime.
Although “sleep sensitivity” itself might not be an official diagnosis, understanding that your child has trouble falling asleep because they are easily overwhelmed gives you a clue on where to start. Here are a few steps to make their journey a little easier:
I know this is a tall order, especially when juggling work, kids, and all of life’s chaos, but bear with me. Highly sensitive kids pick up on every little thing – the tags on their clothes, the background noise, even your own anxieties. So think about small adjustments to bring down their “stimulation meter” before bedtime.
Establishing a calming bedtime routine is like giving their nervous systems a signal to chill. You don’t have to do anything complicated – think a warm bath with essential oils, a bedtime story, cuddles, and maybe a few quiet minutes of relaxation. Do yoga with them using these printable yoga poses. Or, maybe try a few breathing exercises from a set of calming tools. Anything that says, “Hey brain, it’s time to power down.”
Their bedrooms should be their sanctuary, not an obstacle course of distractions. Dim lights, a cooler temperature, soft fabrics, and the right amount of darkness play a big role here. The idea is to appeal to their heightened senses in a way that encourages calmness. You might want to invest in blackout curtains or a white noise machine to eliminate jarring lights and sounds.
Many highly sensitive children lie awake because their minds are buzzing with stimuli coming at them. They might ruminate on tiny injustices or be overwhelmed by an exciting (or stressful) event that happened during the day. Make a dedicated time in the evening, maybe as part of that bedtime routine you created, for them to offload those worries or share what they’re thinking. Once it’s out in the open, it’s easier to process, and a processed worry doesn’t stick around to bother them at night.
For teens who are sleep-deprived and struggling with sleep, parents might consider making it a house rule to power down devices at least an hour before bed. You can learn more about how this house rule and more contribute to creating optimal sleep patterns. It’s a longer process to get their nervous system to power down and settle for the night.
Sometimes, even with these steps in place, things just aren’t enough. Sleep sensitivity in highly sensitive children can be particularly challenging because they’re processing everything more deeply. In those cases, seeking professional help from a therapist or sleep specialist who understands sensory sensitivity in children could provide that additional layer of support. It’s a way of taking off that “I have to do this alone” pressure so you can find long-term solutions.
It’s best to create an environment and routine that supports sleep for them. This includes reducing overstimulation during the day, making sure they’re getting enough exercise, sticking to a consistent bedtime routine, and helping them find healthy ways to process big emotions. That’s why understanding how to help your sensitive child settle is important to getting them the sleep they need.
Yes, it’s more likely for highly sensitive individuals, both adults and children, to have trouble sleeping. Their sensitive nervous systems can struggle with the normal “powering down” process needed to fall and stay asleep. Sensory input might bother them more at bedtime, or it’s hard to let go of worries and process the day’s events. This can result in your highly sensitive child falling exhausted, but it wasn’t the peaceful transition to dreamland that they needed.
Yes, sometimes highly sensitive children may appear to be “more clingy,” particularly in unfamiliar situations or when stressed. Their deep empathy often translates to wanting to be physically close to loved ones. When their “fight-or-flight” is already triggered by some kind of sensory or emotional overload, wanting to feel the comfort of a trusted caregiver isn’t manipulation; it’s actually biologically driven by their more reactive nervous system.
So, for some kids, their need to cuddle, or needing extra reassurance at bedtime might just be their way of trying to regulate overwhelming emotions. You could try having them bring a favorite toy or blanket with them to help. Also, providing lots of verbal reassurance and physical affection before you leave their room is crucial. Especially since this is one of the biggest transitions of the day.
No, highly sensitive children do not grow out of it. However, as they mature they can learn strategies and coping mechanisms to help with self-regulation.
Navigating sleep sensitivity in highly sensitive children doesn’t have to be a hopeless marathon of sleepless nights. By recognizing and understanding those sleep sensitivities, we equip ourselves with knowledge and create more empathy for our kids. Instead of viewing bedtime battles as “problems,” let’s see them as an invitation to adapt our parenting styles and tailor their environments to support their sensitive little souls.
Sleep Sensitivity in Highly Sensitive Children: A Guide for Moms
Jill Gilbert
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